Whuppin' Post by Orion

(from Naval Air Warfare Center's Website) ( The flaming heads look rather like a Hydra!)

Today, Orion chose to share a story on the blog – created over the last three days or so. Does Orion’s story represent the vivid imaginings of a nine-year-old autism spectrum child? Or does it flow and groove deeper into the intuitive, impressionistic collective soul wave? Or more probably, a little bit of both. While typing and reviewing the story with him, Annie discovered some missing links in research being conducted for the experimentation series. The reader will come upon a reference to “dirty socks” as weapons in Orion’s story. Annie discovered that Dirty Socks Hot Springs is a very real place. The winds blow fierce through that desert region in California, carrying airborne particles and speculative motes down the road to The Naval Air Warfare Center at China Lake. Last night and this morning, Orion reviewed the illustrations chosen to represent his story. He approved of all and was absolutely, hand-flappy delighted with many. We’ll leave it to our readers to ponder and wonder.



While searching for illustrations to highlight Orions “Story Of The World,”Annie came upon Boy Scout Troop 380, of Plano, Texas, car wash fundraising at a Wendy’s Restaurant. This photo shows the representatives of Boy Scout Troop 380. Do we see Jimmy, Mikey, and Bobby? No. We see Linda, Roxanne, and Kristin. And adult women for that matter. We weren’t sure about the one in the middle and gave a nod to androgyny. However, the photo is captioned as three females: "Scout Moms." hoo-boy. Please God, never, ever let me embarrass the boys in such a manner. Now why in the name of high Heaven are three adult women representing Boy Scout Troop 380 ? Annie’s eggs went scrambling into the mixing bowl. Is there no sacred place left for our sons to go and learn about their essence, devoid of the influence of women? The current media P.R. spokesmen for both the American and Canadian arms of the Boy Scouts of America are, eh …women?! Annie doesn’t believe that in the history of the Girl Scouts there has ever been a solitary boy soul who gained admission to the core group by means of judiciary tort. Not a solitary boy soul has ever had the notion or interest, so far as we know.

Should the boys here one day decide to erect a “clubhouse” and hang a sign that says “No Gurls Aloud,” Annie will wink, refuse to correct the spelling, and stand quietly aside with her rolling pin whup stick. That would be for any little pink-ribboned, pig-tailed screecher who would stand at the doorway demanding admittance and whining, “It’s not fair-air!” Annie will laugh and tell you to go away, leave the boys alone in their thinking thoughts place, and learn about complementarities instead of empowermentalities.

Now, onto Orion's Imagineering:

The War Of The Amphibians and The Reptiles.
by Orion
6/2/06

In the beginning of time as we know it, there has been a war between reptiles and amphibians.



First, the reptiles discovered the automobile and used it to drive to go get some cheeseburgers from Wendy's.

Then, the amphibians discovered the airplane and used it to drop socks at the reptiles. The reptiles were mad so they discovered sticks. They rubbed them together and made a little fire and made a little tube with a stick. They put a little piece of fire in it and started shooting at the airplane. Then, the airplane fell out of the sky. Then, one reptile said "Drats!"


Then, the amphibians discovered the darts. And started using them to shoot at the reptiles. The reptiles discovered about the pinata and started grabbing their sticks and whacked the amphibians.

One species of amphibian went extinct. The tree frog. Then, one of the amphibians was retreating and crashed into the reptiles automobile. The amphibians jumped into the automobiles and scrambled.



Then, the reptiles took their airplanes and started shooting dirty socks at the amphibians. They reversed the vehicles. Then, as the reptiles were in the airplanes there was something in the sky and it looked like an airplane, but it wasn't! It was actually a Tree which they then crashed into! A tree.

Then, the King Corbra and the Rattlesnake went extinct. Then, they the rest of the reptiles and amphibians got into a GIANT war. Then ALL of the reptiles and amphibians went extinct. And that was the end of Life for the amphibians and reptiles. It's done.





Next: The sequel.

The birds and the sea creatures in a giant war.

He addends: "Oh, if you were wondering where the aliens come from? They come from California. Sometimes."

SEQUEL: 6/3/06
The Birds and The Sea Creatures in a Giant War.

Ever since the reptiles and the amphibians went extinct, the birds and the sea creatures moved into a giant war.



First, the sea creatures discovered the bicycle. Then, the starfish went out of the water on the bicycles and went to get french fries from McDonald's. After that, the birds discovered - once again - the automobile. Just like the reptiles did. When the birds used it, they decided to shoot stink bombs at the sea creatures. The sea creatures were so mad that they decided to go so deep in the water that they found stones.



When they got back to the surface, they started throwing the rocks at the birds. Then the birds starting pooping at the sharks. The sharks were so mad they somehow discovered the airplane and got into the sky.

Then, as the sharks from the sky were next to the birds - the sharks were shooting propellers at the birds. One of the bird's head came off. Then that bird was looking for his head, took some glue, and stuck it back on. That bird's head ended up on backwards. Then, another propeller made one of the bird's tail feathers come off. Somehow, in the water, there was something rising to the surface and it was the ORCA whale. When the Orca whale reached up there to the bird without the tail feather, the Orca started shooting fish at the bird. Even though the fish in Orca's mouth were salmons. When the salmons got out, somehow they grabbed sticks and threw them at the birds.

Then, the birds ate two of the salmons and more salmons jumped out of Orca's mouth. The Orca whale then started shooting sharks out of its mouth, and two of the sharks ate two of the birds.
The birds somehow got into a hardware store and discovered the computer! They didn't know how it worked, so they just started throwing the computers at the sharks. One bird did not throw his computer. He discovered the trash can in the computer - the recycle bin. Then, he thought he would suck the sharks into it but then the birds were trying to pull it out of the computer (the recycle bin) even though they later figured out it was just a virtual icon.



Then, they discovered the notepad and starting writing weird things that said "chirp, chirp." Then, they discovered the Internet and did research on sharks. The birds then discovered a long time ago that one of the sharks used to be a vegetarian. But, since that vegetarian shark wasn't around anymore because a carnivore shark ate him then there was one other thing weird. Something in the sky kept swooping down and smacked the heck out of the sharks. They noticed that it was an Eagle, but that Eagle wasn't around for very long. Because a shark ate him up. Somehow, the mammals got into this.



First, the squirrel was in the rodent family but changed himself to the mammal family. So, squirrels are now mammals. Then, the porcupines did that too. The mammals weren't around for too long because a shark ate them all.

Including the porcupine. Then, on the Internet, the birds discovered jokes! on the Internet and they were laughing like nuts after they heard this one:

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Sharky.
Sharky who?
Sharky he's weird.
The birds were laughing like nuts.


(Mom: I dont get it!)
(Orion: Yes, but the birds were laughing like nuts! Get it?)
(Mom: Well, sort of … lol)



Then, the sharks smashed their computer and then the shark got a bad electric shock and somehow got sent into the sky by an electric zap and was turned into an Eagle. The Eagle dived into the water and went flying into a stone and somehow turned into a Rattlesnake. But then, another shark ate that rattlesnake and the reptiles were no more again. The rock fell apart and squished an octopus so the water filled with ink. There was a puffer fish that accidentally puffed up and made a shark go flying out of the water where the shark got hit with a helicopter, which is what the bird was then flying.

(The Shark 423 - Paul Kunels - 1967)

The shark got grossed out by the bird picking its nose. The shark then fell into the Atlantic Ocean and got floated to Antarctica. Where he froze and became a little Land for the Penguins. Then, it floated back and the Penguins got in this dam war. Then Santa Claus went behind the Penguin and said "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said "If you join this war, no Christmas presents for you next year!" So the penguins decided to go back but the frozen shark had already floated away. Then the penguins were stranded until Santa called his reindeer. Santa and all of those little penguins were riding in his sleigh to go home. Except one was hanging on Rudolph's nose. Rudolph's nose got so bright that the whole Atlantic Ocean was colored red from the bright light. Just until Rudolph's nose went back down to less of a glow. Then Rudolph's nose broke off into the Atlantic Ocean where a shark ate it.

When they all got back to Antarctica they made a light bulb in Santa's workshop to replace Rudolph's nose.



Rudolph's nose was so bright that the ceiling broke down in Santa's workshop. Then all of the elves tried to build it back together but one of Santa's reindeer got outside and flung the elves off. The elves were then floating on the frozen shark land and were sent to the war where the elves had to use their hats as shields. Until the birds took the shields away. Then, they were using those hat shields to throw at the sharks in the Atlantic Ocean.

In the sky, there was one little snowflake, hit the ground, and turned into a penguin. Rudolph flew back with his new bright nose light beam and accidentally melted that penguin who turned into water. Santa's elves then scooped up that water into their hats and dumped it into a little cup. Then the cup disappeared and returned life to the penguin! The penguin was then able to fly into the air and turned into a beautiful Eagle and ate two Salmon. More salmon jumped up while blowing their trumpets and shot darts at the Eagle.

One dart hit the Eagle in the beak and that Eagle turned back into a penguin. Then the sharks in the Atlantic Ocean got caught in a big tidal wave and got washed up on Land. They dried up and all the birds got a bunch of knives and forks and bibs, and they ate the sharks.
THE END.


Next up: The Rodents Versus the Mammals

"When lift plus thrust is greater than load plus drag, any object can fly."


Well, uh, everybody's heard about the bird,
I said uh, bird bird bird, uh bird is the Word!
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
---The Trashmen, "Surfin' Bird" 1963