The Trouble With Labels ...

Blessed
Elton John_Bernie Taupin

Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed

I know you're still just a dream
your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed

And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed

I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed

Well, we started out our week with another community "episode" wherein a very ignorant and maybe downright cruel person had a projective reaction to a "Ben meltdown." Those are the complete loss of self control episodes caused by maybe sensory overload, lack of self-regulation in coping, a variation in an important routine, etc. The guy ... and this was an "adult," called Ben a "retard." I won't go into the details. It's not worth giving this guy any further air time. But, it does outline some important things. It doesn't matter to me, from a mother's heart perspective, if Ben is or is not mentally retarded in association with the severe Autism. What matters to me is what labels are slapped on him and what self-image he takes from these experiences and judgments.

Sue Rubin, the autistic writer of the critically-acclaimed documentary "Autism Is A World" explains something in an interesting way. She wrote that she supposed that she contributed to the belief that she was retarded by her outward behaviors. I feel really badly for Sue in that the point in that statement is frequently missed or overlooked.

It says no matter what, she is looked upon as inferior because of outward appearance. And she takes that on as her fault. No. No. No. Again, I say no! The larger problem is what the word "retard" or "retarded" calls to mind for most people. Inferior, less than, not worthy of valuation, *unable* to learn. Many things. I know it's a problem through the Ages. But, nothing says we cannot make a forward push to educate the ignorant. And to attempt to heal the psychological devastation of victimization and poor self-image caused from other's attempts to categorize, label, and devaluate. It's a double-edged sword as far as the education system. If my son, indeed, is mentally retarded then that sets up a whole pandora's box of thinking in "educators." My greatest fear for him is that when he is labeled in this fashion, then he is not put into settings where he can exceed expectations. It's the expectations - or lack of them - that causes so much trouble.

Then, if he is experiencing cognitive challenges and is thought to be *not* ... then he is at risk for abuses within the system as well. Statements such as "he can do it, he's just not trying." "He's just not paying attention. " "He can do it, he just doesn't want to" are all set ups to grossly damaged self-image. So, I guess my real problem remains in how our children can be properly tested. And since nothing really exists yet to do so, then why not simply do what others have been saying for 20+ years? Take each child as a unique individual and do not attempt to slap on labels so hastily if at all. Our education system is not equipped to manage such individual needs. If it were, we would not be seeing coffee mugs with "I survived an IEP" written on them. Okay ... I'm getting far off the point of the "R word" .... so, will stop here.

One of the better essays I've read recently was by a woman named Peggy Lou Morgan. She has started an exceptional awareness and support campaign around her son, Billy Ray, who has complex medical and neurological needs. He is a man born who came to her with Down Sydndrome and also is autistic, along with other complex challenges. Here is her blog with the wonderful essay, called "The R word ... 'tarded." In one fell swoop, a probably good intent on the part of a well meaning but misinformed teacher set up Billy Ray for a self-image fall. Remember the quote about "the road to hell is paved with good intentions ...." hm. Anyway, here is an excerpt and link to Peggy's blog:

http://parentingacomplexchild.blogspot.com/
Sunday, November 06, 2005
The R Word...Retardation

It never occurred to us to tell Billy Ray that he was mentally retarded when he was younger. I always feared someone would call him a "retard" or something equivalent but as far as I know that hasn't happened.

Billy Ray first heard the word from a teacher in his sophomore year of high school. I understand that the teacher was trying to help his students to face reality. The problem was the students in his classroom were not all able to understand what he was saying. Billy Ray didn't understand at all.

He got the message that he is no good and that he can never accomplish anything. Years later Billy Ray will still say "I tarded" from time to time.

Think about the word retarded. To retard something just means to slow the progress. We tell Billy Ray that retarded just means slow. I tell him that we are all "tarded" in some ways. There are things that I am slower at ........
[read the rest here:
PEGGY LOU WRITES THINGS WE NEED TO HEAR BUT DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

And to the man in Stop 'n Shop who needs to learn and grow outside of his own spiritual retardation:

Annie votes for the 'tards!